I Remember
by Kreakygirl76
Summary: A look at Jack and Tobey's relationship from Tobey's POV


Author's Note: This story is kind of unconventional, but I got the idea in my head and had to write it. This is the first time I'm posting my work anywhere, so I hope you all enjoy it.   
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I'm sure you all know who owns the characters and the song is by Sara Evans.  
  
  


I Remember

  
  
I remember the windows rolled down and the wind in my hair_  
Driving 'round in your daddy's old Chevy  
Like we were going somewhere  
We thought that summer would last us forever  
Going steady was just something you do  
I didn't know much about love  
I learned that from you_  
  
If anyone were to ask you, you would tell him that our relationship began on prom night. I guess that technically that is when it started, but if you ask me I think it really started much earlier than that. I believe our relationship started on that cold night at the bus stop. Yes, I realize that you weren't even there (at least not physically, but you were definitely in my thoughts), but still, that was the night that brought us together. Prom night was just the night you chose to admit to yourself that your feelings for me were more than friendly.

   
I think we were both surprised that night at the prom. I had just about given up on ever having my feelings returned by you and suddenly there you were, finally giving me the kiss I had waited so long to receive. Then we spent the rest of the night dancing. You didn't even care how many people stopped to watch us. Not even the discontent among your friends could ruin our good moods.  
  
Things only got better after that. First there was graduation and meeting your sister. Then there was the going away party you had for Dawson the week before he left. And of course, the countless trips to the beach and the movies and various other places with Jen and Joey. Remember the four of us watching the fireworks together on the Fourth of July? We were all so relaxed that night. It was one of the only nights that I was able to almost completely forget that we would be separated at the end of the summer. Almost.  
  
But as much as I loved hanging out with Jen and Joey, I have to admit that it was always better when it was just the two of us. We never got bored together, even when there was nothing better to do than to sit around watching reruns on television. Of course, it was always more fun to go out and do something. Like that time we went to the carnival. You remember, don't you? That was the night you convinced me to ride the Ferris Wheel with you, even though I was afraid of heights. You laughed at me when I sat frozen in terror when we got stopped at the top. I remember you found a way to relax me, though. You took my hand in yours and turned to look at me with this look in your eyes and suddenly you were all I noticed. You leaned over and slowly brought your lips to mine in a kiss that set my soul on fire. We had done a lot of kissing before that night, but somehow that kiss was different from all of the others. With that kiss you were trying to do more than just calm my nerves, you were trying to send me a message…a message I would have picked up on even without the whispered "I love you" as you pulled away.   
  
I think that was the aspect of our relationship that shocked me the most. The fact that you were the one that spoke those three little words first. I repeated them immediately, but it was you that said them first. I don't think you'll ever know what that meant to me. The rest of that ride passed in a blur of passionate kisses. Our first public make out session. They didn't occur often, but there were a few times when we just got so lost in each other that we didn't notice anyone around us.   
  
The rest of the summer passed too quickly. We had so many things we wanted to do together and not enough time to do them all. Movies, concerts, afternoons at the beach…we wanted to do it all. Of course, those afternoons at the beach usually led to moonlit strolls through the rising tide. But before we knew it, it was August and it was almost time for me to leave.   
  
I remember that camping trip we went on two weeks before I was due at school. Two nights alone with you in a tent…I don't think I'd ever been so nervous about anything in my life. We both left for that trip believing that we would take our relationship to the next level. We didn't talk about it at all, we just assumed that it would happen. That first night was awful. We were two nervous wrecks, both of us jumping every time our arms or legs would touch. The tension between us got progressively worse until finally we had to sit down and talk about it. In the end we decided that we didn't want to rush into anything just to procure some false sense of closeness before we were separated. I still don't know for sure if that's what we would have been doing. I also don't know if I would make the same decision if given the chance to do it all over.   
  
Then suddenly it was upon us…the day that I had to leave for California. Jen and Joey rode to the airport with us, but both wished me well and said goodbye outside so that you and I could have our own private goodbye inside. Well, as private as it could be in an airport full of people. There were kisses and hugs and more kisses, promises to email daily and call weekly, a few more kisses, and then it was done. I was on a plane bound for California and you were in a car headed back to Capeside.  
  
Now those were some good times_  
But lately they don't seem to last  
I guess I'm not nearly as strong as the drink in your glass  
And the nights just get later  
I can stay up and wait or just go on to bed like I do  
I never knew nothing 'bout lonely  
I learned that from you_  
  
The first couple of months apart were hard for me. I used to be sure that they were hard for you too, but now I just don't know. Sometimes I think that your sorrow was just an act that you put on so that you didn't have to feel bad about the fact that I missed you more than you missed me. I guess the way our relationship ended has left me with my doubts. I remember that the first few weeks we stuck to our pact to write daily emails to each other. They were long letters filled with news about classes and professors and activities that we were participating in. Each letter ended with a countdown to Thanksgiving break and was signed "I love you." We also took turns calling each other on Sunday nights. It was always so good to hear your voice that I almost didn't realize how much more it made me miss you.   
  
Then the emails from you suddenly slowed down. I remember that it was around the same time you started hanging out with the fraternity. They were all you ever talked about anymore. Sometimes I wonder if things would have worked out for us if I had just been more supportive about that damn fraternity. I remember that I used to sit up late into the night, hoping in vain that your emails would eventually come. Eventually I just gave up looking for them and went to sleep. It wasn't long after the emails slowed down that you began missing our weekly phone calls. I would call the house and Jen would tell me that you were at the frat house…again. I tried calling your cell phone, but you hardly ever answered that, and when you did it was obvious that you had been drinking.  
  
I wasn't really sure about what to do until my parents bought me that plane ticket for my birthday. I thought for sure that a surprise visit was exactly what we needed to turn our relationship around. When I arrived in Boston, Jen told me where I would find you and for the first time I found myself coming face-to-face with the fraternity. That whole weekend was pure hell for me, from the moment I arrived to the moment I left. And I'll admit that I was jealous, but who wouldn't be? I had just flown across the country to be with you and you couldn't even give up drinking with your new buddies for one measly weekend. In only a few short weeks they had become more important to you than I was. Breaking up with you was the hardest thing I had ever done, but I just couldn't stay in the relationship knowing that I loved you more than you loved me. Still, I honestly believed that you would come stop me from leaving. I mean, that's how it always happened in the fairy tales, isn't it?   
  
One night while the whole world was turning_  
I left you a note  
And I told you that I'd always miss you  
Then I let you go  
I'm living outside of some town I ain't heard of  
And I think of the boy that I knew  
I didn't know you could fall out of love  
I learned that from you_  
  
I remember sitting up that night before I flew back to California. You, of course, were out with the fraternity again. Our break up didn't seem to faze you at all. I spent that long, lonely night writing you a letter trying to explain my feelings to you. I don't think I was trying to make you feel bad or convince you to stay with me. Not really anyway. I just needed you to know how I felt.   
  
When I returned to school I threw myself into my studies and my activities so that I wouldn't have time to think about you. After a while I started corresponding with Jen through emails. She kept me up to date on your ongoing quest to alienate all of the people that cared about you. I tried my best to help her understand why you were doing it, which was hard since I didn't understand it myself.   
  
Eventually I met someone new and began a new relationship. I never told Jen about him, even though we were still emailing each other regularly. She wrote and told me about you moving into the frat house and all the problems you had when, in true fraternity fashion, your "brothers" turned on you in favor of a straight man. I remember thinking to myself that I should write to you or give you a call, but somehow I could never bring myself to do either. I also remember wondering why I still cared so much. It wasn't until you called, though, that I finally understood that I was truly over you. I still missed you, and probably always will, but I was no longer holding onto the hope that you would realize what you threw away and beg me to come back to you. You were my first love and you will always have a special place in my heart, but only in my memories. I have my whole life ahead of me and I'm finally able to accept the fact that you won't be a part of it.  
  
And I learned how to kiss on a Ferris Wheel_  
And I made wishes at wishing wells  
And I fell into that fairy tale too  
And I know that love ain't that easy  
But we tried, didn't we baby  
It's alright  
Some dreams weren't meant to come true  
I learned that from you_  
  
I learned a lot from our relationship. I learned what it felt like to be accepted and loved by another person for everything that I am. I learned that just because something seems good enough to last forever, that doesn't mean it will. I learned that even if a love doesn't last, that doesn't mean it wasn't worth trying. But the most important thing I learned is that eventually you're able to remember the good and bad times without feeling the pain that you felt when the relationship was just ended. And I remember.   
  
  


The End


End file.
